Anyway, once again I am back with more humble jumbles of nonsensical nonsense. To be completely honest, I've absolutely no idea what to write. Usually in these circumstances, I pull out a couple soft glowy pictures of unhealthy fried tuberous roots from the internet and slap them together in a post and make sure the title starts with P, but today doesn't seem like the right day. Well, I guess I can acknowledge the elephant in the room and type up a Christmas post, but that should just a while longer, don't you agree?
All right, let's talk about Britain.
I can hear the smile on your face. Unless you're frowning; then I lied. If you're not smiling, you must be crying tears of joy, or attempting not to smile. Or maybe you just aren't a very expressive person. Or maybe I just have bad hearing. Come on, admit it. You're smiling. And I'm babbling.
So, maybe you just don't like Britain. Why would anyone not like Britain, though? Unless you're Irish or Australian. Then you've finally found a reason to get off this site and go do something productive.
Now, moving on. England is a country that is part of the United Kingdom. It shares land borders with Scotland to the north and Wales to the west. The Irish Sea lies north west of England, whilst the Celtic Sea lies to the south west. The North Sea to the east and the English Channel to the south separate it from continental Europe. Most of England comprises the central and southern part of the island of Great Britain which lies in the North Atlantic. The country also includes over 100 smaller islands such as the Isles of Scilly, and the Isle of Wight. The area now called England was first inhabited by modern humans during the Upper Palaeolithic period, but it takes its name from the Angles, one of the Germanic tribes who settled during the 5th and 6th centuries. England became a unified state in 927 AD, and since the Age of Discovery, which began during the 15th century, has had a significant cultural and legal impact on the wider world...
That was to keep you occupied while I thought about what to say. You probably skipped, unless you really, really like reading technical facts from Wikipedia. Perhaps you didn't realize what you were reading until you were half-way through. Perhaps I should stop my annoying habit of making irrelevant inferences and get on with it already. Let's move on, shall we?
The two biggest things you know and should know if you don't about England are 1) great telly, 2) horrible food, and 2) history of invading everybody's territories. Looking back to that big block of text up there, England has over 100 islands. No, that isn't supposed to be relevant.
Time-traveling alien in a blue box? Modern take on a classic mystery? The daily catastrophes in a 1900 wealthy household?
Fans, you know who you are. That's all I have to say on the matter.
I just realized that the info I pasted from our dear friend Wikipedia is on England instead of the UK. Do you guys ever get confused about what the UK should be called, even if you're from there? I want to go to Britain, but I also want to go to Great Britain, but I also want to go to England, but I also want to go to the United Kingdom. I know that Britain is a correct term for the UK, but isn't that ignoring Northern Ireland's existence?
I'm off track again. What were we talking about?
Oh right, telly. Exterminate.
Now, I'll try to discuss this as impartially as possible, since I've never had true British food. One word: haggis. I know. Its name doesn't really help, either. If you happen to enjoy haggis, though, you're blessed. I wish I could enjoy a nice pudding of sheep organs and onions stuffed in a sheep stomach.
A fairer, more educated take on the topic of British cuisine would be a list of less opinionated facts, one such being that the British invented the sandwich. Where would you be today without sandwiches? God knows where my friend would be; she had a ham sandwich every lunch at school for four straight years. I still wonder if she's human sometimes.
1) Over 163 million cups of tea are drunk everyday in Britain. That's one stereotype that did its research.
2) The world's first chocolate bar was made in Bristol in the late 1720s by Joseph Fry.
3) Ice cream was so popular in London in the 1800s that huge ice wells were dug in the city. Why don't they do that now?
4) According to a story I heard somewhere, chips (the American kind) were invented in Britain when someone complained that his fries were too thick. The bloke who served him sliced his potatoes extra thin before frying them and wallah, he got chips.
5) To summarize, British food isn't all that bad, considering the fact that the British invented sandwiches, chocolate bars and probably chips; pretty much the most important foods in the world.
(sauceboss)
And that pretty much sums up the UK.
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